Heavenly Mother — Questions from Her Daughters

The questions women (and men) actually ask about Her — why She seems hidden, who may receive revelation about Her, what a daughter’s place is, and what we owe one another. Each answer quotes what has been revealed.

This series

Heavenly Mother — the doctrine

A Daughter’s Question — the history, and why the prophets hold the line

Questions About Who She Is — Her role, plural marriage, origins, worship and prayer

Questions from Her Daughters — silence, revelation, a woman’s place, and what we owe each other

Is She Hidden?

“She is almost never spoken of.”

Silence about details is not silence about Her. The Proclamation, read in homes across the Church, names our “heavenly parents”; “O My Father” is sung in every generation; President Wilford Woodruff called that hymn “a revelation, though it was given unto us by a woman” (Millennial Star, 1894). What the prophets withhold is speculation, and President Hinckley gave the reason: “none of us can add to or diminish the glory of her of whom we have no revealed knowledge.” And no one has been told to stay silent about Her. A BYU Studies survey of the Church’s teaching found “no public record of a General Authority advising us to be silent about our Heavenly Mother; indeed… many General Authorities have openly taught about her” (Paulsen and Pulido, 2011). Speak of Her freely, in the words the prophets use. Reticence about what is NOT revealed is reverence; silence about Her was never asked of anyone.

The sense that She is rarely mentioned is real. In one 2022 survey of 4,562 Latter-day Saints, most drawn from social media, 20% said they had never heard Her discussed at church and 64% said rarely (SquareTwo). But the claim of decades of silence from the pulpit does not survive the record. “The gospel teaches us that we are the spirit children of heavenly parents” (Oaks, October 1993); “Our theology begins with heavenly parents. Our highest aspiration is to be like them” (Oaks, April 1995); the Proclamation, September 1995; and in October 2015 Elder Jeffrey R. Holland: “to a Mother in Heaven, I say, ‘Thank you’” (“Behold Thy Mother”). She is spoken of less than we might wish. She has not been unspoken.

Does Her absence from our prayers mean this cannot be Christ’s church? Turn the question around. The pattern of worship is not the Church’s invention; it is Christ’s. He prayed to the Father and taught His disciples to do the same, and President Hinckley searched the standard works and found no exception. A church that worships exactly as Christ taught is keeping His pattern, not hiding His Mother — and a church that began praying to Her without a revelation would have stopped following Him.

“Wasn’t the silence meant to protect Her name from profanity?”

That explanation is folklore, not teaching; no General Authority has advised silence about Her (BYU Studies). The commandment against taking God’s name in vain covers every name of Deity (Exodus 20:7), and it is kept by speaking reverently, not by never speaking. The same rule cuts the other way: casual, flippant talk about Her online is not honoring Her either.

“Why ‘Heavenly Parents’? Why lowercase? Why is She not in the Young Men theme?”

“Heavenly parents” is the Proclamation’s own phrase; it names Her, and names Her together with Him, which is the only way She has been revealed. The rumor that leaders ordered Her name lowercased in 2022 is contradicted by the Church’s own style guide, which capitalizes “Heavenly Mother” and “Mother in Heaven” as names of Deity; only the generic phrase “heavenly parents” is lowercase (Church Style Guide, 8.26).

The Young Women theme was rewritten to open “I am a beloved daughter of heavenly parents” (Young Women theme); the Young Men theme still opens “I am a beloved son of God” (Aaronic Priesthood quorum theme). A young man should know he has a Mother too, and anyone may teach him so. Where there has been movement, it has been toward naming Her.

“If She never speaks to us, how can She be divine? How can I trust a God who is silent?”

Silence is NOT absence, and it is not neglect. The Father Himself was silent to the whole earth for centuries — “a famine… of hearing the words of the Lord” (Amos 8:11) — and no one concludes from the apostasy that He was not God. “My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways” (Isaiah 55:8–9). There may be reasons for Her reserve that have nothing to do with anyone’s worth, and we have not been told them.

Be careful what the silence is made to mean. If it is read as rejection, it will breed distrust of the Church, then of the prophets, and finally of God Himself. The INTERPRETATION does that, not the silence. Read it instead through what is revealed: “Can a woman forget her sucking child…? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee” (Isaiah 49:15).

“On Mother’s Day we thank the Father for Her. Isn’t that backwards?”

We thank the Father for every blessing because He is the one we pray to (3 Nephi 18:19). Thanking Him for Her is honoring Her through the channel the Savior set. Nothing prevents a talk, a lesson, or a family from speaking of Her with love on that day or any other.

“Is the Church avoiding Her to avoid being called pagan or non-Christian?”

The Church already teaches, openly, doctrines that draw that charge — that God has a body, that men and women may become like Him, that there are “gods many” (1 Corinthians 8:5–6). Its essay on exaltation names Her as part of our “divine parentage” (“Becoming Like God”). A Church hiding Her to look conventional would not publish that.

Asking, and Who Answers

“Why won’t the leaders just say more?”

Because they cannot say what they have not received. That is the safeguard, not the flaw. A Church whose leaders would supply a Heavenly Mother theology on demand would supply any other doctrine on demand, and then nothing it taught about Her would be worth believing. Elder Renlund’s counsel to the seeker was not “stop asking.” It was “Seeking greater understanding is an important part of our spiritual development, but please be cautious. Reason cannot replace revelation.”

Some say the leaders are not even asking. How would anyone know? The prayers of apostles are not published. What is published points the other way. Elder Renlund said from the pulpit, “I wish I knew more.” President Hinckley searched the scriptures and the prayers of every prior President before he answered, and he read a fourteen-year-old’s letter to the whole Church so he could answer her publicly. And when the Lord has given the Church something new, it came to leaders who were asking, not to leaders under pressure. Before the 1978 revelation on the priesthood, the First Presidency “pleaded long and earnestly… spending many hours in the Upper Room of the Temple supplicating the Lord for divine guidance” (Official Declaration 2). People said the leaders did not care then, too. They were wrong.

And when members write to Church leaders about Her and are pointed back to the published essay? It can feel like a closed door. But think about what a private answer would become. A General Authority’s personal feelings about Heavenly Mother, written in a letter, would be quoted, forwarded, and treated as doctrine within a month. The essay is the one answer a leader can give with the Church’s authority behind it. Pointing to it is the Balaam rule applied to one person. And in general conference, before the whole Church, those same leaders have said openly what they do not yet know.

“Isn’t asking how revelation comes? Why call it demanding?”

Asking is commanded: “every one that asketh receiveth” (Matthew 7:7–8). But the same scriptures put conditions on it. Ask for “which is right” (3 Nephi 18:20). “Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss” (James 4:3). “If ye ask anything that is not expedient for you, it shall turn unto your condemnation” (D&C 88:64–65). Asking becomes demanding when the only acceptable answer is the one the asker has already chosen.

The disciples asked Jesus about divorce, and they got an answer — one they did not like: “If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry” (Matthew 19:3–11). The Lord answers. He answers according to “the heed and diligence which they give unto him” (Alma 12:9–10), and not always with what we wanted. Do we think we already know all things concerning the kingdom of God?

“Only women can receive revelation about Her. For men to claim it would be patriarchy.”

That is NOT doctrine, and it cuts against what the advocates themselves believe about women. Gender does not qualify or disqualify anyone for revelation, as President Woodruff taught of the sisters in 1893. What governs revelation for the Church is keys, not gender: “there is none other appointed unto you to receive commandments and revelations until he be taken” (D&C 43:3–4). Every woman may receive revelation about Her for her own life. No one, man or woman, receives new doctrine about Her for the Church except through the keys.

“I take the prophets as wise counsel, not as God’s voice every time.”

No doctrine of the Church says every word a prophet speaks is revelation. But on this question the counsel is not one man’s opinion. It is the Savior’s own instruction, repeated by a First Presidency counselor in 1991, by the Church’s essay in 2015, and by an apostle in 2022, and the Lord’s rule for His Church is plain: “his word ye shall receive, as if from mine own mouth, in all patience and faith” (D&C 21:4–5). What of Nephi and Laban, or Abraham on the mountain — revelation that looked wrong from the outside? Each was a command within that person’s own stewardship. None of them was new doctrine for the Church that contradicted the Church’s prophet. The one time a member tried that, the Lord said of his revelations, “Satan deceiveth him” (D&C 28:11).

“A fourteen-year-old boy’s vision was believed. A woman’s is called making up doctrine.”

Joseph Smith’s vision was not believed because he was male. It opened a dispensation, and the Lord then restored keys and called him as the one who “receiveth them even as Moses” (D&C 28:2). A woman’s vision of Her may be every bit as real. It belongs to her stewardship, and it does not become doctrine for others. The same limit applies to any man in the Church who is not the prophet. And when revelation did come to the Church through a woman — “O My Father” — a prophet received it as revelation.

“I have felt Her — in prayer, in a dream, in carrying a child.”

Many women describe it: a dream, a quiet impression, or the awakening that comes with carrying a child. Are those experiences real? Personal revelation is real, and it is open to women as fully as to men; President Woodruff said so in 1893. Carrying a child is no small thing, either. The Proclamation declares “the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed,” and a mother who feels her heavenly parents near while a life forms within her is feeling something true about where that life came from.

But a personal experience answers a personal need. It does not set doctrine for anyone else. When an experience grows into details the Lord has not revealed — what She created, what She governs, how She is to be addressed — it has crossed from the personal line into the Church’s, which is the exact move President Oaks warned about: “Relying entirely on the personal line, they go their own way, purporting to define doctrine” (“Two Lines of Communication”). How does a woman tell the difference? Mormon gave the test.

Moroni 7:16

“For behold, the Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil; wherefore, I show unto you the way to judge; for every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God.”

Does the experience draw you to Christ, to your covenants, and to the Church He leads? Then keep it and treasure it. Does it pull you away from Him, from the temple, from the prophets? Then it did not come from Her (Moroni 7:17). A Mother in Heaven does not lead Her daughter away from Her Son. The same test applies to anyone online who says She has called them to reveal Her: “it shall not be given to any one to go forth to preach my gospel… except he be ordained by some one who has authority” (D&C 42:11), and “ye receive not the teachings of any that shall come before you as revelations or commandments” (D&C 43:5–6).

A Daughter’s Place

“What is my role?”

Larger than most women have been told. President Russell M. Nelson: “Those who are endowed in the house of the Lord receive a gift of God’s priesthood power by virtue of their covenant… The heavens are just as open to women who are endowed with God’s power flowing from their priesthood covenants as they are to men who bear the priesthood” (“Spiritual Treasures”). President Dallin H. Oaks: “We are not accustomed to speaking of women having the authority of the priesthood in their Church callings, but what other authority can it be?” (April 2014). Elder Ballard: “When men and women go to the temple, they are both endowed with the same power, which by definition is priesthood power” (“Let Us Think Straight”). Woodruff, in 1893: “There is no reason why they should not be inspired as well as men.”

Why, then, are men ordained to office and women are not? Elder Ballard answered honestly: “the Lord has not revealed why He has organized His Church as He has.” He also said “equal does not mean… that they are the same,” and the Church’s own history essay adds that “women exercise priesthood authority even though they are not ordained to priesthood office” (Gospel Topics essay). An office is a stewardship over the Church. Exaltation is something else entirely, and there the answer to the fourteen-year-old is a flat no, men are not more important: “Men and women cannot be exalted without each other” (Gospel Topics essay).

“Isn’t motherhood just offered to women as a substitute for the priesthood?”

That is not how the Church has put it. Women are not told to settle for motherhood in place of priesthood; they are taught that they already exercise priesthood authority in their callings and receive priesthood power in the temple (Oaks, 2014; Nelson, 2019). Motherhood is its own sacred work. It is not a consolation prize, and it is not the whole of a woman’s eternity.

“I cannot have children, or I have never married. Where does Heavenly Mother leave me?”

Exactly where every faithful daughter stands. President Lorenzo Snow: “There is no Latter-day Saint who dies after having lived a faithful life who will lose anything because of having failed to do certain things when opportunities were not furnished him or her… That is sure and positive” (Teachings: Lorenzo Snow, ch. 9). She is your Mother whether or not you are a mother here, and becoming like Her is promised to you on the same terms as anyone.

“I am gay, or transgender, or I do not fit the picture. Is She my Mother too?”

Yes. Every person is “a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents” — EVERY person (Proclamation). The Church’s teachings on marriage and gender stand, and they are explained on Same-Sex Attraction and Gender Identity. But no one is outside Her family, and no one’s circumstances cancel Her love.

“My own mother hurt me. The word ‘mother’ is not a comfort.”

Then the scriptures were written with you in mind: “yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee” (Isaiah 49:15). A mortal mother may fail. Your heavenly parents do not, and Elder Harold B. Lee taught that They “are even more concerned, probably, than our earthly father and mother.” Heavenly Mother is not a larger copy of the mother who hurt you. She is what that word was always supposed to mean.

What We Owe Each Other

“When I asked, no one wanted to talk about Her.”

Many women first asked as girls and met a shrug — from a parent, a teacher, a leader. That is a failure of members, not of doctrine. The doctrine is not an embarrassment; the Church calls it “a cherished and distinctive belief,” and a girl who asks about her Mother in Heaven deserves what President Hinckley gave a fourteen-year-old in front of the whole Church: a real answer. Peter’s rule applies at home as much as anywhere — “be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear” (1 Peter 3:15). Sing “O My Father” and tell her what the verse about a mother there means. Read her the Proclamation’s “heavenly parents.” Say honestly where the revealed knowledge stops. None of that requires speculation, and all of it is ours to teach. Some women have even been turned away by leaders who cited Elder Renlund’s caution. That misreads him. He warned against speculation. He did not forbid speaking of Her, and a conversation about loving Her is not speculation. Nor does a woman need permission from a bishop or a husband to study, ponder, and speak of the doctrine; it is published for every member.

And the woman who has never given Her much thought? Nothing is wrong with a faith centered on the Father and the Son; that is where the Savior centered it. But she is also the daughter of a Mother, and knowing it changes how she sees herself and every woman beside her. President Nelson asked women to “speak up and speak out in ward and stake councils” (“A Plea to My Sisters”). Speaking of our heavenly parents, in the words the prophets use, is a good place to begin.

“What should we tell our children?”

The doctrine. It is NOT a secret, and it is not beyond them. Tell them they have a Father and a Mother in heaven who love them, that we pray to the Father in Jesus’ name as Jesus taught, and that one day they can live with Them. Sing “O My Father” and explain it. When they ask something that has not been revealed, say so, and say that it is all right not to know yet.

“What should missionaries say when someone asks?”

The doctrine is there, so teach it. Missionaries teach that “we are all spirit children of God” and that “we lived with God as His spirit children before we were born on earth” (Preach My Gospel, lesson 2), and the Proclamation, which they carry, names our heavenly parents. An investigator who asks about Her is ready for it. “We do not talk about that” is the wrong answer. “We have a Mother in Heaven; we pray to our Father in Christ’s name, as He taught; and this much has been revealed” is the right one.

“I am a man. Why should this matter to me?”

Because She is your Mother too. In the 2022 survey, men reported a more distant relationship to Her than women did (SquareTwo). That is a loss. The Young Men theme names the Father only; a father, a quorum adviser, or a bishop can fill in what the theme leaves out, in the words the prophets have already used.

“Some make Her kinder than the Father — on garments, on standards, on politics.”

That sets Her against Him, and the doctrine will not allow it. The Father and the Son are one — “as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee” (John 17:21–22) — and exaltation is a man and a woman made one. Nothing revealed sets Her against Them. A Mother invoked to overrule the Father’s commandments is not the Heavenly Mother of the Restoration. She is a projection with Her name on it.

“Won’t all this attention to Her pull us away from Christ?”

It can, and it need not. “We talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ” (2 Nephi 25:26). Seeking Her faithfully leads through Him, not around Him. The test is the one Mormon gave: whatever persuades to believe in Christ is of God (Moroni 7:16). Apply it honestly, and the question answers itself.

The Doctrine Is Clear

Every answer on this page returns to the same place. She exists, She is exalted, She is our Mother, and our highest aspiration is to become like our heavenly parents. So we honor Her, we pray to the Father in the name of the Son, and we keep the covenants that lead home. Where revelation stops, we stop — not because the question is forbidden, but because a guess about Her is not Her.

The secret things belong to the Lord. The revealed things belong to us and to our children (Deuteronomy 29:29). Take the revealed things, all of them, and live them. The rest will come the way everything else in this dispensation has come — to prophets who asked, in the Lord’s time.

Key References

Matthew 7:7–8; D&C 88:64–65 — ask; ask for what is expedient

Alma 12:9–10 — mysteries given according to heed and diligence

D&C 43:3–6; 42:11 — revelation for the Church comes through the one appointed

Isaiah 49:15 — “yet will I not forget thee”

Amos 8:11; Isaiah 55:8–9 — divine silence is not divine absence

John 17:21–22 — the unity of the Father and the Son is the pattern

Moroni 7:16–17 — the test of every experience