No One Sits Alone: Doctrine, Culture, and Belonging
A Lesson Guide Based on Elder Gerrit W. Gong’s “No One Sits Alone”
Objectives
Help the class:
- Distinguish between doctrine, gospel culture, and social culture
- Recognize how confusion between them affects belonging
- See that how we treat others is a direct reflection of our relationship with Christ
Thought-Provoking Opening
Opening Question
Have you ever felt like you didn’t quite fit in somewhere—even if no one said anything directly?
Let a few people respond. Then follow with: What made you feel that way? Was it something someone said—or something unspoken?
Today we’re going to look at how that experience connects to the gospel—and why something as small as a “hello” might matter more than we think.
Section 1: The Fortune Cookie Insight
Read or summarize the fortune cookie example from paragraphs 3–5 of Elder Gong’s talk:
“As a young adult, I made fortune cookies. Wearing white cotton gloves, I folded and tucked into shape the round cookies hot out of the oven.”
“To my surprise, I learned fortune cookies are not originally part of Chinese culture. To distinguish Chinese, American, and European fortune cookie culture, I looked for fortune cookies on multiple continents—just as one would use multiple locations to triangulate a forest fire. Chinese restaurants in San Francisco, Los Angeles, and New York serve fortune cookies, but not those in Beijing, London, or Sydney. Only Americans celebrate National Fortune Cookie Day. Only Chinese advertisements offer ‘Authentic American Fortune Cookies.’”
“Fortune cookies are a fun, simple example. But the same principle of comparing practices in different cultural settings can help us distinguish gospel culture. And now the Lord is opening new opportunities to learn gospel culture as Book of Mormon allegory and New Testament parable prophecies are fulfilled.”
Discussion Questions
- Why do you think he starts with something so random? Why is this a good example of his topic?
- How does Elder Gong being racially Asian influence his background, culture, and point of view?
- Do you think he has ever felt alone… even in a crowd?
The fortune cookie feels authentic. But it’s actually cultural—it depends on location. Something can feel normal, obvious—even “true”—and still just be culture.
Follow-Up Question
Where might we do that in the Church? Where we assume something is “the gospel”… but it might actually just be culture? (Dress styles, social expectations, political assumptions, parenting styles, music preferences, facial hair expectations…)
From paragraph 6: “The United Nations reports 281 million international migrants… Every Sabbath, members and friends from 195 birth countries and territories gather in 31,916 Church congregations. We speak 125 languages.” As all of these people mix and merge together, we need to be able to understand the difference between Gospel Culture, Societal Culture, and Doctrines of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
Section 2: The Three Layers
Opening Question
If we were going to separate what is eternal from what is flexible… how would we do it?
1. Doctrine — What Is True
What are things in the gospel that don’t change—no matter the country or time? (Christ, Atonement, Covenants, Plan of Salvation, Ordinances, Faith – Repentance – Baptism – the Holy Ghost)
Definition
Doctrine = eternal truth revealed by God. We often don’t have a complete understanding of doctrine – but what we know is sufficient.
2. Gospel Culture — What It Looks Like When We Live It
If those things are true—what kind of people should that make us? (Honest, Loving, Inclusive, Covenant-keeping)
Definition
Gospel culture = how doctrine shapes behavior and relationships. “No one sits alone.”
From paragraph 29: “Conversion in Jesus Christ requires us to put off the natural man and worldly culture… President Dallin H. Oaks teaches, we are to give up any tradition and cultural practice that is contrary to the commandments of God and to become Latter-day Saints. He explains, ‘There is a unique gospel culture, a set of values and expectations and practices common to all [the] members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.’ Gospel culture includes chastity, weekly attendance at church, abstaining from alcohol, tobacco, tea, and coffee. It includes honesty and integrity, understanding we move forward, not upward or downward, in Church positions.”
3. Social Culture — What Feels Normal
What are things in church that feel “normal”… but might not be the same everywhere? (Dress, beards and facial hair, personality expectations, testimony style, music)
Definition
Social culture = local habits and expectations that can vary
Section 3: How This Relates to How We Treat People
From paragraphs 14–15: “In the parable of the good Samaritan, Jesus invites us to come to each other and to Him in His inn—His Church. He invites us to be good neighbors…
“The spirit of ‘room in the inn’ includes ‘no one sits alone.’ When you come to church, if you see someone alone, will you please say hello and sit with him or her? This may not be your custom. The person may look or speak differently than you. And of course, as a fortune cookie might say, ‘A journey of gospel friendship and love begins with a first hello and no one sitting alone.’”
From paragraphs 16–17: “‘No one sits alone’ also means no one sits alone emotionally or spiritually. I went with a brokenhearted father to visit his son. Years earlier, the son was excited to become a new deacon… But at church, the deacons laughed at him. His shoes were new, but not fashionable. Embarrassed and hurt, the young deacon said he would never go again to church. My heart is still broken for him and his family.”
What Actually Went Wrong?
- Social culture — what was “cool” or acceptable was enforced
- Gospel culture — failed (no one included him)
- Doctrine — violated (love, belonging, Christlike treatment)
Discussion
Do you think he left because of doctrine—or because of experience? There are many people who leave the gospel because of experience… this should not be the case.
Section 4: The Turning Point
Key Truth
“How we treat each other… is how we treat Him.”
If that’s actually true… what does that mean about the way we interact with people at church? What does it mean if someone feels invisible, judged, or alone?
From paragraphs 21–23: “In His restored Church, we are all better when no one sits alone. Let us not simply accommodate or tolerate. Let us genuinely welcome, acknowledge, minister to, love. May each friend, sister, brother not be a foreigner or stranger but a child at home.
“Today many feel lonely and isolated. Social media and artificial intelligence can leave us yearning for human closeness and human touch. We want to hear each other’s voices. We want authentic belonging and kindness.”
Section 5: The Real Invitation
Key Insight
“No one sits alone” doesn’t just mean physically. What does it look like for someone to sit alone emotionally? Spiritually?
Small ways to change that: saying hello, sitting with someone new, noticing people on the margins, withholding judgment.
Closing Insight
Bring It Together
Doctrine tells us who belongs.
Gospel culture shows that they belong.
Social culture sometimes accidentally hides that they belong.
From paragraphs 23–24: “There are many reasons we may feel we do not fit in at church—that, speaking figuratively, we sit alone. We may worry about our accent, clothes, family situation. Perhaps we feel inadequate, smell of smoke, yearn for moral cleanliness, have broken up with someone and feel hurt and embarrassed, are concerned about this or that Church policy. We may be single, divorced, widowed. Our children are noisy; we don’t have children. We didn’t serve a mission or came home early. The list goes on.
Mosiah 18:21 invites us to knit our hearts together in love. I invite us to worry less, judge less, be less demanding of others—and, when needed, be less hard on ourselves. We do not create Zion in a day. But each ‘hello,’ each warm gesture, brings Zion closer. Let us trust the Lord more and choose joyfully to obey all His commandments.”
From paragraph 34: “Covenant belonging deepens as we come to each other and to the Lord in His inn. The Lord blesses us all when no one sits alone. And who knows? Maybe the person we sit next to may become our best fortune cookie friend. May we find and make place for Him and each other at the supper of the Lamb, I humbly pray in the holy name of Jesus Christ, amen.”
Additional Comments
Doctrine teaches truth. Gospel culture should reflect Christlike love, belonging, and patience. But sometimes social culture adds layers—judgment, discomfort, assumptions—that can make people feel like there isn’t room for them at all.
So I think the real question isn’t whether doctrine should change—but whether the way we are living and expressing it is actually drawing people closer to Christ, or unintentionally pushing them away.
Because if someone feels like they have to choose between being honest about their experience and belonging in the Church, that’s a tension worth taking seriously. That doesn’t mean we change the doctrine or embrace sinful behavior. But it does mean we consider and understand why people respond the way they do.
Final Question
What would change in our ward if we truly believed no one sits alone—not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually?